Where’s Daddy?
That was my first thought when I read the news that 75% of Puerto Rican grandparents are principally responsible for their grandchildren, and nearly 50% have actual custody of them.
Hunh?
Where are the parents?
Of course, there are always going to be grandparents who step back into the role of parenthood. A couple dies in a car crash, a single mother succumbs to breast cancer—sure, Abuela steps in.
But 75%?
Yet, thinking back on it, it may be true. Consider my students’ lives. They got up at 5AM, took the sleeping baby to their mother’s house, suffered the morning traffic jam, and clocked in at 7:30. Reverse procedure at 4:30, with the addition that most of them ate dinner at Mamita’s.
Good deal, hunh?
Never thought so. Certainly my own mother wouldn’t have bought in. You got a kid? Then you’re responsible. Sorry—I did it, now you do it. Not my problem.
Which was also the way it worked with adult kids. You got a job? Get an apartment, learn to cook, do your own laundry. Coming back home is for emergencies only. The moment you’re on your feet again, you’re out the door.
Well, it’s a gringo point of view. But is it the best point of view?
Well, the first question might be if it’s sustainable. What’s going to happen when the kids grow up, have kids of their own, and look to their own mother to be a grandmother? Is she going to do as her mother did? Will she be able to, financially? Will she have learned somewhere how to cook, so she can feed her daughter the way abuela did?
And is it good for kids to be raised by grandparents? Sure—they’re a bountiful source of love, but what about discipline? My students all bemoaned the fact that no one today was doing what their father did—take off his belt and pelt the kid. A younger dad is a different parent than a grandparent.
But it may, after all, be a good thing. The gringa grandmother, alone in her condo in Florida, a thousand miles from her grandchild—is she happy? Doesn’t the responsibility of raising a child also bring some joy? The nuclear family—is it normal?
As always, I have no answers. Just questions….
