The Regal Tweet

Let’s see—should I be responsible and get down to the serious business straightening things out, or should I take the Friday off, and go—figuratively, but hey, I could do it literally!—to the beach? Does the world really need me, today? Are my services so essential?

And what am I supposed to do about the 150 to 160 teachers in the public school who, according to El Nuevo Día, resign each month, thus creating una situación alarmante? Should I start strolling down school halls, sticking my head the classes, giving the thumbs up and shouting, “¡excelente trabajo!?” (Good job!)

Alternatively, I could run over to the Department of Education and ask questions like, “why is there no toilet paper in the bathrooms?” This is, of course, not the most urgent necessity, since Elizabeth—the manager of the sister shop—has just shown me her children’s grades. And very well they’re both doing in Spanish, Science Social Studies, and Math. But English? Well, it turns out that there’s still no English teacher—though one has just been hired—so what did the school do? Did they leave it blank, perhaps with a note of apology / explanation? Of course not—they left off English altogether!

Right, so that means that the last English class these kids have had was mid-May, which, counting on my fingers, was almost six months ago. So unless something happens, these kids are going to have promising careers in the food service industry, AKA flipping burgers….

Of course, while at the Departamento de Educación I could check out whether it’s true, as Mr. Fernández avers—OK, swears—that the DE has the greatest number of non-docent versus docent personnel in the United States. Who knows? But absolutely nobody would deny it.

Of course, couldn’t I drop in electronically? Why, after all, on a now-Friday-afternoon do I have to hop a bus to observe the sluggish behavior of our civil servants? So it was a quick trip via Internet up to Elizabeth’s children’s school, and here is the report card:

Ouch—only a 34% in English? Hmm, so how are the kids doing across the bay, in Cataño? Well, take a look!

OK—so alert readers of this blog, raise your hands if you’ve noticed a certain familiarity / similarity in these numbers. I certainly did, until I realized that that word metas meant “goals.” So the Department of Education has a goal of 34% in English? And 34% of what? Kids passing the test, which has been specially designed for Puerto Rican kids, since in theory kids can’t take the national test?

OK—so how are they kids up the street doing? Well, here it is:

So only 8% of sixth graders were proficient or advanced at Abraham Lincoln School? Not surprising, given that for half of the year, the kids are without any formal instruction. And each grade, the numbers drop: from 73% in 3d grade to 8% in 6^th grade.

So what’s going on? Well, the Department of Education, in its pdf file on the Pruebas de Aprovechamientos Académico y Alternativas Educativas has this to say:

El profesor José Hernández del Departamento de Lenguas Extranjeras de la Universidad de Puerto Rico señala lo siguiente: “Cambiar el sistema de enseñanza del inglés sería una aceptación implícita de que este idioma es foráneo, por ende, no sería constitutivo de nuestra cultura, lo que no conviene a quienes dicen que el inglés es una lengua oficial”.

Here’s the story: the University of Puerto Rico has a great program to teach foreign languages, and the students are speaking in a year or so. So why not adapt their system? Because it would imply that English is a foreign language, not part of our culture, and that doesn’t suit the beliefs of those who say that English is an official language.
Guys? You’re going to put a whole generation at risk—as well as an entire island—for some political beliefs? You guys would do that?!?

Yes, because guess what—probably not one child of the people running the Department of Education is attending a public school. Nor is the purpose of the department to educate: its purpose is to collect federal funds, create programs, and most important, provide low-paying jobs to as many of the political pals of the party in power.
The mind boggles. I am happy to report, however, that the queen of England, not content to coast along on 60 years of successful queening, has decided to plunge—well, as much as her title allows—smack into 21^st century and issue—perhaps a more royal word would be emit or even dispense—her first tweet! And her hashtag? What else, Elizabeth R!

Don’t know why this cheers me so much!