Showing posts with label Conspiracy Theory. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Conspiracy Theory. Show all posts

Monday, June 9, 2014

In Bed with Alex Jones

Confession—I fight it, but not always successfully, so if you need any information on, for example, the alleged Boys Town pedophile scandal, well, I’m your man. Months ago, I spent a cheerful Sunday afternoon—when I didn’t have to be writing—boning up on the subject via YouTube.
Ah YouTube! What a boon to conspiracy nuts and paranoia freaks! In the past, Dear Reader, you had to go to special places—usually drugstores with big magazine sections—to get your fix of extraterrestrials, Mothman, our beloved chupacabra (Puerto Rico’s gift to the world, say I proudly) not to mention that old favorite, the takeover of the entire world by a highly secret, international group of financiers, industrialists and politicians. Now, you can trot over to YouTube and see undercover footage of the Cremation of Care, which does look a little crazy.
You may not know the cremation, since most people, unlike writers, do important things: go to work, raise kids, worry about the bills. But you might have heard about Bohemian Grove, the camp of redwoods north of San Francisco, which for two weeks in July fills up with rich guys peeing in the woods. If you haven’t, here’s a nice little introduction by our old nemesis, Richard M. Nixon:
•           "The Bohemian Grove, that I attend from time to time—the Easterners and the others come there—but it is the most faggy goddamn thing you could ever imagine, that San Francisco crowd that goes in there; it's just terrible! I mean I won't shake hands with anybody from San Francisco."—President Richard M. Nixon on the Watergate tapes, Bohemian Club member starting in 1953.[17][40]
•          "If I were to choose the speech that gave me the most pleasure and satisfaction in my political career, it would be my Lakeside Speech at the Bohemian Grove in July 1967. Because this speech traditionally was off the record it received no publicity at the time. But in many important ways it marked the first milestone on my road to the presidency."—President Richard Nixon, Memoirs (1978)
Ah, Dick! Wonderful how much I don’t miss him!  
Well, the Bohemian Grove is owned by the Bohemian Club, which was set up in the late 19th century by a group of San Francisco men. And here, by the way, is Wikipedia’s explanation of the origin of the name:
In New York City and other American metropolises in the late 1850s, groups of young, cultured journalists flourished as self-described "bohemians" until the American Civil War broke them up and sent them out as war correspondents.[4] During the war, reporters began to assume the title "bohemian," and newspapermen in general took up the moniker. "Bohemian" became synonymous with "newspaper writer".[4] California journalist Bret Harte first wrote as "The Bohemian" in The Golden Era in 1861, with this persona taking part in many satirical doings. Harte described San Francisco as a sort of Bohemia of the West.[5] Mark Twain called himself and poet Charles Warren Stoddard bohemians in 1867.
OK—coming from a family of journalists, I can tell you that the words “journalists” and “cultured” are rarely coupled, especially if a negative isn’t somewhere nearby. And today, how bohemian is the club?
Not very, given that you have to be rich and connected to get in—oh, and the waiting list spans decades. The real question is what the hell goes on there, since it’s top secret, which makes it excellent fodder for us conspiracy theorists. But here are the top theories:
·      the big boys are gathering to  mastermind the takeover of all governments to implement a “new world order.” And guess who’s running it?
·      The big boys like to drink and piss in the woods
·      The big boys are engaging in satanic rituals
Here’s the problem with conspiracy theories—occasionally they’re right. So whatever is going on north of San Francisco a month from now, we can probably say that the CIA or FBI was seriously messing with Paul Robeson, a guy so talented it’s easier to say what he wasn’t than what he was. Here, Wikipedia takes a stab at it:
Paul Leroy Robeson (/ˈroʊbsən/ rohb-sən April 9, 1898 – January 23, 1976) was an African-American singer and actor who became involved with the Civil Rights Movement. At Rutgers University, he was an outstanding football player, then had an international career in singing, as well as acting in theater and movies. He became politically involved in response to the Spanish Civil War, fascism, and social injustices. His advocacy of anti-imperialism, affiliation with communism, and criticism of the United States government caused him to be blacklisted during the McCarthy era. Ill health forced him into retirement from his career. He remained until his death an advocate of the political stances he took.
Ill health? Certainly something happened to Robeson in Moscow in March of 1961; with apparently no psychiatric history, Robeson became acutely anxious, paranoid, depressed during what Wikipedia describes as “an uncharacteristically wild” party. Eventually, he locked himself in his bedroom and tried to slit his wrists. (The nurse in me needs to tell you—this is anatomically impossible….)
Robeson somehow ended up in London, where for almost two years he was zapped with shock therapy and given heavy does of barbiturates. After his son transferred him to a clinic in East Berlin, he “rapidly improved,” again according to Wikipedia.
But if the son is to be believed, the whole thing was fishy. First, consider how acute and how fast his symptom developed—he had been completely normal hours before. Then, through the Freedom of Information Act, Robeson ‘s son learned that the FBI and CIA had been tracking his father and mother for years. And then, also while in Moscow, Robeson had the same thing happen to him: an acute attack of anxiety, depression, and paranoia.
So what was going on? Here’s more from Wikipedia:
Paul Jr. believed that his father's health problems stemmed from attempts by CIA and MI5 to "neutralize" his father.[238][239] He remembered that his father had had such fears prior to his prostate operation.[240] He said that three doctors treating Robeson in London and New York had been CIA contractors,[238] and that his father's symptoms resulted from being "subjected to mind depatterning under MKULTRA", a secret CIA programme.[241] Martin Duberman claimed that Robeson's health breakdown was probably brought on by a combination of factors including extreme emotional and physical stress, bipolar depression, exhaustion and the beginning of circulatory and heart problems. "[E]ven without an organic predisposition and accumulated pressures of government harassment he might have been susceptible to a breakdown."
Whether the CIA was involved or not, it’s certainly true that the fifties were a terrible decade for Robeson—he was blacklisted since 1948, his passport was revoked for most of the decade, and he got slapped in front of the House Un-American Activities Committee in 1956. Wouldn’t you be paranoid? And it seems that Project MKUltra did exist, though the CIA destroyed a lot of its records in the height of the Watergate scandal. Remember, we were all nutso about the Communists, so the idea of setting up brothels, installing one-way mirrors, and then giving unwitting subjects LSD, interrogating the men later—all done under a program called Operation Midnight Climax—made a certain bizarre sense. If better dead than red was true, then there wasn’t much that you wouldn’t do….
From the son’s account, Robeson never quite got back in the saddle; he was unable to attend the celebration of his 75th birthday at Carnegie Hall. He had been an activist, a socialist, a supporter of the Soviet Union, and of trade unions. All of that, unfortunately, made him a little too hot a potato for comfort. In his life, he had been able to do so many things: he played pro football, he sang, he acted, he graduated from Columbia Law school, he spoke out for the marginalized. What couldn’t he do?
Take on the CIA.
Who of us can?



Thursday, April 10, 2014

Death Comes to the Goat Sucker

Well, I shouldn’t be writing about this because, well, this is a serious blog. Yesterday, for example, I dealt with the eschatological views of the Jehovah’s Witnesses. So today I’m gonna talk about the chupacabra??
To those fortunate enough not to have heard of the chupacabra, well, let me introduce him, via Wikipedia:
The chupacabra (Spanish pronunciation: [tʃupaˈkaβɾa], from chupar "to suck" and cabra "goat", literally "goat sucker") is a legendary cryptid rumored to inhabit parts of the Americas, with the first sightings reported in Puerto Rico.[1] The name comes from the animal's reported habit of attacking and drinking the blood of livestock, especially goats.
Well, well—it’s something to know that Puerto Rico has given (in addition to Ricky Martin and salsa) the world the chupacabra. What I didn’t know was that the chupacabra has been busy, since it was first seen in August of 1995 in Canóvanas, Puerto Rico; sightings have been reported from Chile to Maine in the Americas, and even in Russia.
The first attacks in Puerto Rico were on eight sheep, which were, according to Wikipedia, afflicted with three-teethed puncture wounds in the chest and drained of blood. But was that enough for the chupacabra? Absolutely not, because the island went mad for chupacabras.
It was on everyone’s lips, it was believed in fiercely and disputed fiercely, it was a joke, it was a prank, it was a satanic cult, it was all bunk. Even scientists got into the picture; here’s Wikipedia again:
In late October 2010, University of Michigan biologist Barry O'Connor concluded that all the chupacabras reports in the United States were simply coyotes infected with the parasite Sarcoptes scabiei, the symptoms of which would explain most of the features of the chupacabras: they would be left with little fur, thickened skin, and rank odour. O'Connor theorized the attacks on goats occurred "because these animals are greatly weakened, they're going to have a hard time hunting. So they may be forced into attacking livestock because it's easier than running down a rabbit or a deer."
Coyotes in Puerto Rico? Puerto Rican coyotes? Listen, besides species introduced by man, there’s nothing else here in terms of fauna. OK—I looked it up, and it turns out that bats are native to Puerto Rico. But that’s it.
So we went chupacabra-crazy for a while, and in the end, there were 200 reports in 1995, again according to Wikipedia.
What won’t Wikipedia tell you? Well, I’m delighted to tell you that Tito Armstrong wonderfully caught the story of Chemo “Jones,” one of the very best of our small town mayors, and a man not cowed [sic.] by a mere goat sucker. Tito—tell it!
▪    Picture the scene: a lush forest full of dense vegetation, laced with dangerous beasts and wild, tropical fauna. An adventurer braves the danger to search for an elusive creature which has a propensity to drain its victim's blood. Sound like a movie script? No, it is the real life saga of Chemo "Jones" Soto, Mayor of Canóvanas and part-time adventurer. Chemo has undertaken a quest to capture the Chupacabra before it sucks the entire animal population dry. In the face of Government paralysis, Chemo is the last hope of a desperate citizenry who have given up hope.
▪    Chemo has assembled a crack anti-Chupacabra team and hopes to apprehend the beast sometime this year. He has devised a state of the art "cone-trap" which will no doubt trap the blood-sucking monster within the month. The Mayor's pleas to government agencies for help with the hunting efforts have been largely ignored but Governor Pedro Rosselló has wished him luck. Chemo, who happens to be up for re-election, is running on the anti-Chupacabra ticket and hopes to ride it to victory during the November elections.
Yes! And I might mention, by the way, that this account appears in a site linked to Princeton University—the chupacabra has definitely arrived.
Sadly, all this was taking place in 1995, just a bit before the Internet arrived. So unfortunately, I cannot present you with the image—indelibly fixed on my inner screen—of Chemo Jones and the boys with their chupacabra trap. But any Puerto Rican around at the time will remember it—Chemo and the boys had gone out, presumably after a few beers at the gas station (don’t ask—it’s a Puerto Rican thing….), and found some rusty old rejas (ornamental iron bars that cover all the windows on the island) in the back of City Hall. Responding to the urgent needs of the citizenry, who were faced with certain economic ruin from loss of livestock, and whose very lives were at risk…
Now, where was I?
Ah, so Chemo and the boys patched together a chupacabra trap, into which they put, sensibly, a goat—who was looking very wide-eyed, and why not? Wouldn’t you? Nor was this all, because the boys had gotten in the spirit of the occasion—anything to keep the morale up—and were wearing paramilitary clothes. Here, have a look—though this photo dates from 2010, when the chupacabra made a brief reappearance:
See? Inspires confidence, right? You wouldn’t mess with this dude!
Well, the entire island—especially that part of the island from the opposite party—was poking fun of Chemo, but guess what? He had the last laugh because Hollywood picked up on the story, and made a television movie starring Eric Estrada! Bijte? He who laughs last….
Now then, it turns out that the chupacabra was actually caught by a couple in Texas, as you can see in the clip below (which—even if you inexplicably have no interest in the chupacabra—you should definitely watch for the spectacularly retro-teased beehive hairdo of the wife). And quite a chupacabra it was—so what did they do with it?
Chupacabra Mystery
Dead Animal Won’t Be Tested
Texas can’t handle the truth!
That was the website TMZ’s headline four days ago. Sadly, the Texas couple—so staunch in their belief that it wasn’t a coon, a dog, a coyote—caved to the advice of an “expert” from the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department to put the animal down, because it was “suffering.” And now they refuse to do a necropsy, since “chupacabras are mythical creatures.”
Yeah?
And if you believe that, dear Reader, then might I remind you of the grassy knoll? The suspicious deaths of Lee Harvey Oswald and several key witnesses? The reports of multiple shots? Hah!
It’s a dark day indeed, Readers, here in sunny Puerto Rico….