I decided
to take offense.
“My dear
madam,” I said, “I would never, as you say, ‘laugh at Puerto Rico.’ Rather, I
pay homage to Puerto Rico through laughter. It’s quite a different thing.”
“You love
it here,” she said.
“I do. I
spent decades finding a country that matched my internal landscape.”
“And that
is?”
“A land of
absurdity dotted with ridiculous….”
She got the
point and we moved on; she’s really a very good mother-in-law.
I thought
of the exchange yesterday, when I was busy reading the news about the water
park in Arecibo, perhaps the
ugliest of our large cities on the island.
The New Day, you see, had found the perfect story
for a Monday morning. Do you seriously want to contemplate Syria, the loss of
privacy, landslides and death on your way to work, presuming you still have
such a thing as a job? Of course not, so the water park was the perfect story.
Now then,
Reader, let me show you a lovely photo; a photo that you must clutch in your
memory:
Never
forget, Reader, the joy of these children, the innocence, the unfettered
pleasure of these children, here in the Parque Acuático de Arecibo.
Ooooops,
sorry, that’s the Arecibo Water Park.
It’s one of
those wonderful things about Puerto Rico, where politics invades everything,
language included. When the party favoring commonwealth, our current status, is
in power, everything becomes nacional. You get Parques
Nacionales, El
Equipo Nacional de Puerto Rico—you get the picture. When the party favoring
statehood takes over, all of the stuff above becomes territorial. Oh, and of course in English….
And now,
sour individuals with their acid tongues are speaking snakes and toads (sapos
y culebras) about the
Arecibo Water Park! How dare they! What manner of creature could possibly
criticize a facility giving such pleasure to children!
The matter
of the lack of a permission permit from the Office of the Inspector General of
Permits? Pah—a technicality, snorts the mayor of Arecibo, the honorable Carlos Molina,
who inaugurated the park last July 15. Besides, they did apply for one, and I
can give, any doubting Readers of this blog, the case number: 2013-197731-PUS-44034. Here’s
the link—look it up yourself!
Right—got that
taken care of! Now let’s get down to the matter of the electricity, which is
supplied by 7 generators. Yes, of course they solicited the light company to
install the light, but it seems that without that pesky use permit….
And what!
You accuse me of stealing the water? Nonsense—the water company itself said
that we could just hitch on to the water supply for the Parque Julio
Rodríguez Olmo, for
which we pay. How low, how dastardly—unleashing on me a swarm of
technicalities, when all I was trying to do was to bring a moment’s joy to
children!
So rants
the mayor, who is stuck with a debt of $500,000 to pay the project contractor
(his brother in law, perchance?). And to add insult to injury, now the water
company is charging him a fine of $2000 dollars and the permit agency is
socking him with a fine of $4200. Outrageous!
Predictably,
the opposite party is standing on the high moral ground, looking down
contemptuously at this cesspool of devious, underhanded crooks. Here’s
what they say:
Ya
es hora de que el presidente del PNP diga algo en contra de un líder de su
partido que descaradamente se roba el agua y la luz, y engañó a los ciudadanos
inaugurando una obra sin permisos”, manifestó Suárez Cáceres en declaraciones
escritas.
“Este
es el momento para que Pierluisi demuestre si tiene alguna voluntad de combatir
la corrupción, o es cómplice de las acciones ilegales de Carlos Molina”,
puntualizó.
I
won’t, Reader, or rather I can’t. There are some things that can only be said
in Spanish—English just won’t do it. Though I will say that descaradamente
se roba el agua y la luz does mean shamelessly / brazenly robbing the water and
electricity….
Well,
the mayor isn’t taking this excrement hurled at him lying down. He points out,
very legitimately, that he has a permit from the Environmental Protection
Agency. Oh, and guess what! He has another one, as well.
Anxious
Reader, tranquilize yourself (tranquilícese). The Arecibo Water Park?
That park, at which there is water, water, water everywhere, splashing water,
flowing water, gushing water? The water park? It does indeed have a permit, an
important permit, a necessary permit from…
The
Fire Department!
Bijte!
(see?)
