“It’s just not right,” I said, as I often do, to Lady.
“First there were the tragic events in Sweden, which caused me to search
endlessly on the internet, to make sure that ABBA was unaffected….”
“But nothing happened,” said Lady.
“Exactly,” I told her. “And ‘nothing’ is a very terrible
thing, fully and as potentially dangerous as ‘something,’ which can also cause
untold anguish. Indeed, I have suffered through ‘nothing’ thousands if not
millions of times in my life. I sit, for example, at my computer, preparing to
emblazon the world with my words, and what happens?”
“Let me guess,” said Lady.
“I look around my apartment, and where have all the
intentions of doing a little cleaning….”
“I do understand,” said Lady. “At any rate, the Swedes are
quite all right. Although I’m sure they’re grateful for your concern….”
“So if that wasn’t bad enough, I now have a monga.”
“I thought you didn’t believe in monga,” said Lady. “You
once described it as a mythical though dreaded disease occurring when one
raindrop descends on a Puerto Rican.”
“That’s profoundly politically incorrect,” I told her,
“which probably means that yes, I did say it. Anyway, whether I believe it or
not, here it is. In that sense, it’s just like the political situation, or
perhaps the terrible events in Sweden. I can’t believe Donald Trump, so why
shouldn’t something have happened in Sweden, even though I don’t believe….”
“That makes no sense,” said Lady.
“Exactly,” I told her.
“Anyway, what I really should do, since Tuesday morning is
the new Monday morning…”
“What?”
“Presidents’ Day,” I told her. “Anyway, I should get right
down to work, even though what I really want is to go back to bed. But now it’s
time to put aside our grief…”
“Grief?”
“Sweden,” I told her, “how it afflicts the mind, and indeed
the spirit. Well, we have to carry on. Now then, there’s excellent news! An
eye-stabbing flash of light in the vexing question of Russia and the Ukraine!”
“Yes?” asked Lady.
“You know, of course, that we have to move on. We can’t
dwell on these dark events forever. Though I just read this,
in The New York Times:”
In a Twitter post on Monday, he accused American
journalists of glossing over a dark and dangerous situation in Sweden. “Give
the public a break,” he wrote. “The FAKE NEWS media is trying to
say that large scale immigration in Sweden is working out just beautifully.
NOT!”
“A
courageous stand,” said Lady. “Wonderful to know that our president will not
step down, or step back, or step wherever. The Swedes must be breathing
a sigh of relief, knowing they have so ardent a champion in the White House….”
“One begins to wonder,” I told her, “if the atrocities in
Sweden were all a red herring. Or perhaps it’s that damn FAKE NEWS media that
is trying to deflect attention from Trump’s remarkable success, based on the
well-oiled machine he has created from the ruble….”
“Marc, you’re wandering….”
“Russia,” I told her. “You remember, the little problem of
Russia and the Ukraine. Though in fact, the Ukraine is considerably more
affected….”
“Marc?”
“Anyway, we’re well on the way—quite far down the path,
actually—to a true and lasting peace!”
“So what happened?”
“Well, here’s The
New York Times again, if you trust that dirty rag….”
A week before Michael T. Flynn resigned as national
security adviser, a sealed proposal was hand-delivered to his office, outlining
a way for President Trump to lift sanctions against Russia.
“Whew,”
said Lady. “Well, that’s definite progress indeed!”
“Mendacious
tongues,” I said, “which are absolutely the worst tongues of all…”
“How
they have afflicted me, my whole life,” said, nay cried Lady, “I hardly walk
out the door, in the morning, and there they are!”
“Mendacious
tongues,” I said, “with their corollaries, tainted minds, are questioning the
whole affair, since the plan is put forward by a rather shady character, Felix
H. Sater.”
“And
what has Mr. Sater done, to earn his place in the shade?”
“Well,
we can start with this:”
After the lawyers got involved, Trump said he barely
knew who Sater was. But there is voluminous evidence that Sater, a Russian
emigrant, was key to channeling Russian capital to Trump for years. Sater is
also a multiple felon and at least a one-time FBI informant.
“Lovely,”
said Lady, “nice to know we’re getting help from multiple felons. Ah well, any
port in a storm! OK, so why were the lawyers involved?”
“It
all was a messy little business down in Soho,” I told her. “You know, after the
string of bankruptcies, Trump got involved in building a luxury condo / hotel
down in Soho, to the annoyance of all the artists down there. But the project hit
some bumps, especially in the downturn of 2008 and 2009….”
“Well,
well,” said Lady. “And any idea what the plan might entail? The plan to bring
peace to the Ukraine and Russia?”
“Well,
first the authors allege that they have incriminating stuff on the president of
the Ukraine….”
“I
recoil in horror,” said Lady, “though indeed it took me quite a moment to
realize that I had. Never having recoiled for any reason, you know….”
“And
then they go
on to this:”
Essentially, his plan would require the withdrawal of
all Russian forces from eastern Ukraine. Ukrainian voters would decide in a
referendum whether Crimea, the Ukrainian territory seized by Russia in 2014,
would be leased to Russia for a term of 50 or 100 years.
“How
can you ‘lease’ a territory as large as the Crimea for 50 to 100 years? And why
do I feel rather doubtful about the validity of any ‘referendum’ that might
take place?”
“Well,
it’s all very strange,” I told her. “Anyway, could I interest you in making a
little donation to my latest charity? I’ll be going forward with it on Facebook
in just a few minutes, but if you’d like to prime the pump, with a donation of
500 dollars or more, I’ll send you a complimentary T-shirt! Just my way of
saying thank you….”
“And
what would that be?”
“’I
stand with Sweden!’’ I told her. “After all, if they can go against the Swedes,
for God’s sake, who among us is safe!”
“Ahhh,”
said Lady, “do you never rest, in your efforts to cozen the weary?”
“Never,”
I told her. “In fact, I wake each morning, filled with dreams of cozening!”
Funny…
Well,
she was here, just a minute ago….
