Tuesday Theology

Well, you know it must be true, since I got it from this website:

It’s not fair, really, to make fun of these people, since shouldn’t I be picking on people—intellectually—of somewhat similar size? There are, after all, a lot of intelligent, thinking Christians, who have to put up a lot of crazies purportedly of their ilk, and do they need me to join the fight? Of course not.

But I was driven to the Landover Baptist Church by a photo I had seen in Facebook:

Facebook is a tease, so once I had looked at that, I had to look at the other stuff, and thus learned that the Bible condemns left-handedness either four or twenty-five times, depending on whether you think that a prophet separating the saints from the sinners—and guess what side each was!—was specifically a condemnation of the left hand.

Right—so I had to occupy myself with that, since it seemed my work of this morning was to tell you all about the Duggars, which was a problem, since everyone but me knew who they were. Why? Because other people watch TV, and so could see the reality show, Nineteen Kids and Counting, which was all about Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, of Fayetteville, Arkansas, and the 19—and counting—kids. All of whom are being raised in a “Christian patriarchy” home, about which I didn’t know anything, except that I did, since the whole thing has been around forever. Basically, anything that goes in Saudi Arabia for women and men goes in “Christian patriarchy” as well. Oh, wait, women can work and run for office in Saudi Arabia—in Christian patriarchy, women can’t.

So the Duggars have for the last ten years been exhibiting themselves on television, and we’ve all been able to see that wonderful, wholesome family environment in which alcohol, holding hands, kissing, frontal hugs are banned, and even some sorts of learning as well, since of course these nineteen children can’t go to public schools—certainly a good thing, from the taxpaying point of view—but have to be specially homeschooled, using such worthy pedagogical devices as ACE, or Accelerated Christian Education. Well, it was a Tuesday morning chock-full of discoveries, of which this is the latest:

The ACE curriculum (in "Biology 1099") asserts the existence of the Loch Ness monster as fact, declaring it a plesiosaur, and uses this "fact" to disprove the theory of evolution.^[20] In July 2013, this reference was removed from new textbooks published in Europe.

OK, Wikipedia, tell me—does this mean that the kids in over 6,000 schools in the 145 countries, if not in Europe, are being taught that that the Loch Ness monster is real, but evolution is not?

Well, of course the Duggars would buy into the Accelerated Christian Education, especially since they must be of the belief, as the presenter is in the video below, that “these are exciting but challenging days in which to live and serve God!”

Yes, challenging, since it has just been revealed that Josh Duggar, the eldest of the 19 and counting, had “forcibly fondled”—and is it just me that wonders if that’s not an  oxymoron?—five of his sisters. Nobody, in fact denies it, and Josh has had to give up his job at the Family Research Council—one wonders if the research is on the same level as believing in the Loch Ness monster—and even take down his website. Oh, and TLC has suspended the show.

All is not lost, however, since Josh has the support of his family, and even Mike Huckabee—his longtime pal—since here’s the deal: Anyone can sin, and if he or she repents and turns to the Lord, then bam, we gotta forgive him. Because none of us are without sin. And by the way, Josh’s errancy was wonderfully beneficial in the end, since it forced everyone in the family to turn to Jesus, and their faith is all the stronger for it! Wow—great!

It’s distinctly screwy, somehow, though maybe not, since apparently there’s also a belief in Christian patriarchy that women have an innate evil that leads them to tempt otherwise pure men to do such dastardly things as fondle—forcibly—breasts. So Josh, was he really all that guilty? Oh course not—he’s just one more victim in that well-known crusade by the liberal gay agenda to…get ready, here…criminalize Christianity!

Well, I’m liberal and I’m gay, but I do draw the line at criminalizing Christianity. But I do have to wonder whether we still have truant officers, and if so, whether that can’t be told to go after children whose parents are teaching them that the Loch Ness monster….

Right—forget that.

Go after the parents!